It’s only pizza Dawn!

“It’s only pizza Dawn!” A phrase that kept going round and round in my head just a few days ago, along with the phrase “Give yourself a break”

But it wasn’t just about pizza.

It was gluten, cow’s milk, processed food, food I hadn’t made; and it was carbs.

And it triggered the fuck out of me, bringing old wounds to the surface that I have just spent the past few days coming to terms with.

Thinking I had already dealt with these internal demons, I was not prepared to have to deal with them again.

It’s only pizza Dawn.

Maybe to others, but pizza is not just pizza to me.

It is a swollen face, bloated stomach, acne, itcy tingly mouth, gas and churning stomach.

So why did I eat it?

Especially when I know it gives me all these side effects?

Well, it’s mandatory lockdown and the only foods available which are vegetarian are filled with gluten, unless I go sushi, and they were all closed.

Pizza was the best of a bad lot of options available to me.

(And what a reminder this is for all the choices we make in life!)

Do we go without? Or choose the best of a bad lot?

Which is what staying in one place teaches us to do.

But I digress…

Eating the pizza felt so good!

The melted mozzarella, the thin pizza base and the taste of tomato, basil and oregano… hmmmm it was a great pizza.

And I thoroughly enjoyed it.

At the time of eating it.

20 minutes later my face was on fire, I wanted to scratch it to stop the itching.

30 minutes later my stomach started growling and the churning was in full on rampage mode.

An hour later I looked like I was in the second trimester of pregnancy and my face was as puffy as a bouffant in the sixties.

Then the demons of my past crept up slowly and surely.

Words from my ex partner about getting a ‘bit too wide’ after I stopped martial arts following a shoulder injury.

With words from my ex husband telling me I’ll ‘find it hard to find someone to love (me)’.

Then the demons of the years of bullying at school being told “no one loves a fat girl” rose to the surface like a rocket taking off from Nasa.

It’s only pizza Dawn.

But it isn’t, it goes much deeper.

I now currently carry a few extra pounds and a little softer than I was prior to my Atlantic crossing, I am not that overweight.

I could do with losing 5-8kg, toning up and learning to simply accept my body in this new phase of being. 

Ask me to run for an hour, or swim 2 miles, or squat 60kg 4 x 15 sets, bench press 25kg 4 x 12 sets and I can do it no problem.

But no matter, my weight has always been a trigger for me.

I was the ugly, fat sister.

Always the one with the puppy fat.

The one who got bullied by the IT girls at school for being fat and not good enough to be on the various sports teams; which led to years of bulimia.

Bulimia isn’t something which goes away for a lot of people, for some of us we just learn new food disciplines and eating habits.

Gaining an extra 60kg during my second pregnancy due to being hit by HELLP syndrome, and months of inactivity after years of full on daily exercise, including weights, cardio and toning, was hugely confronting for me.

I then lost 62kg after I got divorced, became too thin, then chose to gain 10kg so I had my womanly curves and boobs back again.

And here I am at the age of 42 feeling like a troubled teenager, who is again relearning how to navigate the hormonal changes in my body.

It’s only pizza Dawn.

It may have only been pizza, but it has brought up a lot for me.

Past wounds which need healing, the next level of self acceptance and letting go of the attachment I have to my weight and whether or not a man will love me with all my womanly curves.

It’s been many years since I was in a relationship, even longer since I was intimate with a man.  The last 18 months of my relationship my ex chose beer over intimacy with me.

HUGE lessons in self love and self worth right there!

It’s only pizza Dawn.

Maybe it wasn’t just the pizza.

Maybe it was also the fact I am writing a biography for a client who had anorexia nervosa, and that has brought up some of my old demons.

I have been doing a lot of internal work over the last 6 weeks which has floored me, and had me feeling exhausted on many levels.

I want to go for a swim in the ocean, but can’t; they don’t even have public swimming pools here for me to attend, and even if they did, with the current quarantine laws in place at the moment, I can’t go.

I could do yoga, but to be honest, my love affair with yoga is as on/off as a the fridge light in bored households.

As for the food I now have in my fridge, it is all fresh, organic veggies, with lentils, nuts and organic, sugar free ‘Beast Mode’ peanut butter and fresh organic fruits; foods I love.

Seeing my rainbow food, as I call it, lifts my mood.

Eating it cleanses my body, and fuels my health.

And I know the after affects of the gluten, dairy and processed pizza, even though it was freshly made, is only temporary.

The side effects have almost gone after 3 days, and there are probably another 3-4 days to go before they clear up altogether.

So is it only pizza Dawn?

The negative emotions and thought patterns have been explored, seen, acknowledged and released.  They are no longer an issue; for me.

During these times there are many women, and men, going through similar emotions.  Lack of nutritional foods, lack of daily exercises, people gaining weight, and the stories they tell themselves will probably be having a really negative impact on them.

The struggle with body image is real for so many of us, so let’s remember to be kind to others; and use this time to develop food businesses which serve those of us with alternative diets, neccessary ones as well as choice based ones.

If you have a fitness business, remember for many people a home visit is an essential item on their shopping list.

The governments may not think your trip is essential, but to your clients, you are more than essential, you could be helping them beat the demons.  And if you can’t get to them, call them by phone or have a fitness session by Zoom or Skype.

You could be the difference between someone living or dying.  This might sound extreme, but we never know the demons others are facing when it comes to health, fitness and body images.  Suicide maybe right there at the forefront of their mind.

I have developed some very powerful skills and healing techniques I use, have fitness apps on my phone which support my daily fitness.  Others don’t.

And if you have been thinking about setting up in business, listen to the conversations and read between the posts on your social media feed to what your connections are saying and not saying.

They are telling you what is not being delivered to their door, what they cannot get hold of, and what they are really wanting.

All you have to do is listen, internalise, invest, create and launch.

And ladies, if you are ready to rise, then check out my 21 Day Challenge The Phoenix Rising, because by the end of it you will have all the necessary guidance you need to kickstart your business, global movement or community project.

And remember, when we live to laugh and laugh to live, dealing with the demons of the past get dealt with a whole lot quicker.

Enjoy your pizzas folks!

Ciao for now x

P.S. You can read more about my journey with bulimia and HELLP Syndrome by purchasing my books.  They include information on how to set up in business, how I thrived during the lockdown in Egypt during the Arab Spring, or rather the Egyptian Uprising, and a whole lot more besides.

Tell me what to do

Ever said to someone “You can’t tell me what to do!”, or at least thought about saying it?

Hmmm, me too.

It’s the rebellious streak in me; you too probably.

It’s been one of the most powerful drivers in my life.

I have broken all the rules this last week when it comes to having an online business.

I didn’t write a blog post, didn’t write any articles on LinkedIn, and didn’t put out any offers to my audience.

And in times such as we are facing globally with this COVID-19 ‘outbreak’ this could be seen as business suicide, or simply respecting people.

But I can tell you, it was neither.

I have been researching and writing a biography for an incredible lady who I have just started working with. 

Her story is inspiring, and I am honoured she has chosen to work with me so she can share her story with the world.

I’ve been having some powerful coaching myself, releasing some deeply buried trauma and beliefs which have been holding me back in life.

For some, the idea that I have been held back is non-sensical, and somewhat scary; because if I have been held back, then what on earth have they been doing!?

But what on earth does any of this have to do with being told what to do?

Well, getting organised on the 10 Week Mastermind I am currently taking part in and getting present to what’s needed for the next level of my business, I have noticed a lack of ‘call to actions’ and ‘freebies.

Give aways for you all so you share your email address with me, an exchange of powerful and inspiring content for your email address.

An email address I will then use to let you know of exisiting and future content; a fair exchange.

And here’s the thing… you knew there was one coming 😉

I am someone who never pays attention to the calls to action.  I don’t need others to tell me what to do.

I don’t do what others tell me to do, I do what feels right for me.

I also know the tricks behind the freebies and don’t want my inbox filled with emails I am never going to read.

Being ‘manipulated’ into giving over my email address in exchange for a freebie I am most likely never going to get around to using, and then have a sales pitch given to me at the end, is also not my bag.

But are we really being manipulated to hand over our email address? No, not really; and it’s not like we are all being held to ransom with a gun to our heads either.

We freely hand over our email addresses to those who we know give value, and I know I give a lot of great value in my content.

Yep, it’s all written content; I am an author, writing is what I do.

If people want my recorded content, then there are plenty of live interviews and podcasts out there with me in them.

I have a huge library of video content, and as I build my team, I am getting present to just how much gold there is in my content; and how much of a positive impact it has had on 10,000’s of people.

So the time has come for me to start sharing this content with the world even more, start increasing the number of people on my email list, and make sure they are getting the content they are looking for.

Like I said above, I have never been big on responding when people tell me what to do, not even doctors.

I challenge the thinking of everything, and not to be difficult, but because I am a curious person.

I want to know how things work.

I like figuring things out.

I am a puzzler, so is there any wonder I am a coach and do the work I do, and read the books I read?

I’ve learnt to keep my social circle small, and yet highly efffective and increasingly profitable.

During times like these with the COVID-19 hysteria facing the world,I have questionned what is really going on, on a much larger scale.

Everyone is being told to stay indoors, and so many people are resisting it.  They are resisting being told to stay indoors with the family they have chosen for themselves.  

Parents are resisting being at home with their children, something I really don’t understand, esepcially as I love being with my children. 

And part of the inner work I have been doing over the last few months is getting present to the fact my boys will never come and live with me again.  Yes, they will stay with me, but they will never live with me again.

They are making different choices for themselves the older they get, and part of me has regretted starting this journey so early on in their lives, but I had to.

Like my youngest says “Mummy, you just got to go do you”.  Wise words from such as young man and just how much of it is he really able to truly understand? Only time will tell.

Understanding this realisation, and then going on to ask what is truly possible for me, my business and future has opened up a lot more possibilities for me.

What is truly possible for any of us? 

None of us like being told what to do, but then so many of us allow others to tell us what to do.

Religion, society, the military, the governments, partners, parents and choices our inner child made based on limited information we had as children.

Our 6 and 7 year old selves are ruling our lives, and yet many of us are not aware of it.

We rise up against governments, the police and justice systems, against corruption and we resist the rules others made up for us.

“They don’t know me, so who are they to tell me what to do?” is something both you and I have said many times over, and not just inside our own heads either.

Watching the world go by outside my window, pretending to go to the shops with their shopping bags and just walking around the block as many times as they can, obeying but breaking the rules set by the Argentinian Government, has been amusing and an interesting obsevation of human bahviour.

Seeing governments and police forces implement and issue fines and jail sentences to those who go against the governments instructions has reminded me of the Egyptian Uprising and the Scotland Saga in so many ways.

Dictatorships are on the rise, and due to the fear of the COVID-19 virus, a lot of people are just simply accepting what the governments are telling them to do.

Thankfully there are those such as The Mental Mastery Alliance and Steve McNamara who are challenging thought patterns and delivering content outside of the normal realms of thinking.

Many of us thought leaders don’t need others to tell us what to do, we just get on and do what we feel called to do, hence why adding a call to action has always felt alien to me.

I have never needed someone to tell me what to do, I just know what I need to do and get on with it.  I ask for what I want.

If someone puts out an offer to share their content and I want it, paid for or free, I let them know I want it.

How many of you ask for what you want? How many of you are good at telling people what you don’t want?

What about the boundaries you have set in place; if you have any? 

Are they the boundaries, pacts, promises and choices you are making now, or are they from your childhood, your teenage years, or even your early twenties?

Do you even know?

Are you curious to find out? If you are then I am going to invite you to contact me about the programmes and coaching I offer.

As of next week, many of the programmes I have been offering on a 1:1 basis will be released as automated courses, meaning I can serve more people around the world, and respond to the variety of budgets and time schedules people have.

It also means I can focus my energies on writing the next three series of books I am writing, as well as launch my long awaited Leadership Mastermind.  It’s been 20 years in the making, and now feels like the right time to launch it.

Spending a week working ON myself and my business rather than being IN it, has given me a lot of clairty.  I may have broken all the social media rules, but they are not my rules, so not important.

And as I tell my boys “smart people don’t follow stupid rules”

OK, so some of the rules are not stupid, but may do not apply to us, and it does allow them to explore the rules they are being asked to follow and choose for themselves.

I will leave you now with these questions to explore:

  1. Which of the rules I currently live by apply to me?
  2. Have they ever applied to me?
  3. Can I be the person I wish to be by following these rules?
  4. How are these rules positively impacting my purpose and humanity?
  5. What rules am I consciously choosing to live by moving forward?

Let me know how you get on with them using the contact form  if you wish to, and remember, when we live to laugh and laugh to live, we get to release all the things holding us back in life.

So go live your life, go laugh until your belly aches, and live life on your own terms.

You’ll be glad you did!

Ciao for now x