You don’t need fixing.

You don’t need fixing, because you are not broken.

I want you to read that again, but this time say “I don’t need fixing, because I am not broken”.

None of us are broken.

We are just really great at telling ourselves we are; some of us more so than others.

We beat ourselves up with some of the most unkind thoughts and beliefs out there, words which, if we spoke to our children, or our friends, would do untold damage to them.  

And yet we say these things to ourselves over and over again, day in day out, hour after hour and then we wonder why we are unhappy.

‘Fixing’ a broken heart, or healing from a trauma are two of the most common ways we start this process of hating on ourselves, and although we say we are not hating on ourselves, this is exactly what we are doing.

Telling ourselves we weren’t good enough, or that it was our fault something happened, that we should have known better are all ways we are preventing ourselves from seeing the lessons we are here to learn and grow from.

I know it can be difficult to see the positives from the negatives with some traumas, but if we are ever going to allow ourselves to move on from the traumas, then we really have to find the gold in the experience and use that to discover our inner beauty.

The art of Kintsugi is a beautiful analogy, with stunning results, which is widely known throughout the world, and yet many still do not know about this art, or the philosophy behind it.

The art of becoming more beautiful for having been broken.

Using the gold and silver lacquer to repair a broken bowl or vase, is a perfect visual for so many of us.

Some prefer to use the phrase “fake it until you make it”, others use the idea of “borrow the confidence others have in me until I believe it myself”, but regardless of which idea we use, it is always wise to remember we are not broken, so we don’t need fixing.

I prefer to think of us being the snake which needs to shed its skin.

The child who needs new clothes because of the growth spurts it goes through.

Neither are broken, just growing, evolving and expanding into a new stage of life.

One of the most beautiful elements of the journey my clients go through on the 7 Week Author Course is getting present to just how truly magnificent they are, and the incredible amount of greatness they have to offer the world.

They may never go on to publish the book, but the transformation which happens whilst writing it is the most important part of the process.

The book is the catalyst for the change, the evolution and the getting present to what is truly possible for them and their lives.

They come to realise they were never broken, and they never needed fixing; they just needed to see the elements of who they are from a different perspective, so they can adjust them accordingly for even greater growth and happiness.

When we invest the time, effort and money into writing our story, like I did with my first three books we get so present to a lot of the limiting beliefs we have about ourselves, and we get to chose whether we continue with them or release them.

Writing about our journey so we can inspire others also becomes secondary, because we become so inspired by ourselves we don’t need to look outside of ourselves for inspiration; and then from that space we get to inspire others to be inspired by themselves.

Fixing what is not broken within our relationships, our businesses,the way we look, and everything else external, comes from the place within us where we believe we are not good enough, and in the professional sphere this is known as the imposter syndrome, which so many women suffer from.

We don’t need to fix what is not broken.

We are not broken.

We are whole and complete and we get to choose the words we say to ourselves.

We get to choose the beliefs we hold about ourselves, and yet so many choose to continue to struggle.

So many choose to continue to think the process of receiving everything we truly desire is not ours to have.  I know, I have been there.

When I become aware of what is truly possibly for me and my boys, old fears and doubts still come up.

I am not immune just because I am a transformational leadership coach who coaches women to write their autobiographies.

Sometimes my clients breakthroughs on the calls have such a profound impact on me, that I am called forward faster than ever because they have highlighted something on my own journey which needs addressing, and fast.

Being an author coach, executive contributor and feature writer for global magazines, as well as a writing my own books means I have to master my time incredibly well; especially as the research for my books and articles takes time.

Build into the equation my own coaching and training for my personal and professional development and growth and you’ll know why I only take on 4 clients on each round of the 7 Week Author Course, and only 3 1:1 clients at any one time for a period of 2 months.

Many believe 2 months and 7 weeks isn’t enough time for the transformation to take effect, but again this is a limiting belief; and one that can easily be overcome, if we allow ourselves to.

And here’s the thing, the things we think are broken, are not broken, they are just limiting beliefs which keep us stuck.

Beliefs borrowed from our parents, teachers, friends, society, culture and religion, and it is up to us to say “I choose to believe in myself, and return these borrowed beliefs back to sender” just like the junk mail we receive.

So, are you going to keep thinking to yourself you are broken, or are you ready to release that damaging belief?

The Feminine Alpha 7 Week Author Course is open for applications, and I am only going to work with 4 incredible women.  I haven’t accepted anyone as yet, so if you think you are ready, and wish to apply, contact me here and let’s have a connection call.

I don’t work with just anyone.  You have to be really serious about investing in yourself, your future and your legacy.

I also currently have just one more space for a 1:1 client to work with me over the next two months, so if you are ready to take the leap of faith in yourself, then message me and let’s see what transformation is truly possible for you and your life.

Remember, there is gold in every negative, beauty in every so called flaw, you just have to be open to seeing it.

Until the next time.

When are you going to start putting yourself first?

I was going to write a whole different post, but I just feel I need to address the issue of women putting themselves first before I write the other post.

One of the things many of my female clients have all had to work on is putting themselves first.

So many women are stuck in a life of servitude to others; whether that is their parents, their partner or spouse, and most definitely most of the time their children.

Many are in a downward spiral of being the martyr to their children, sacrificing who they are and what they want AND need, simply to please others.

AND IT HAS TO STOP!

Slavery, as far I am know is not a legal practice, and yet women are slaves to their families, their workplaces, their businesses even, and we all know how most women are slaves to fashion and keeping up with the Jones´.

We objected to salvery decades ago in the Western world.  We object still to this day about child labour and align it with child slavery in some cases.

AND so many employees object to ´slave labour´ when their bosses expect more from them and refuse to give a pay rise; so much so they proclaim “What do you think this is? Slave labour!?”

Women are stuggling the world over in so many different ways, whether that is in the workplace and being respected,

struggling to make ends meet as a single parent,

struggling with their weight,

struggling to fit everything into 24 hours including their job, the housework, being a mum, being a good wife and…

then they end up struggling to go to sleep because of the never ending number of tasks on their to do list.

And ladies, I am here to tell you that you really need to own the fact that you are a woman who matters and you HAVE TO STOP being a bloody doormat to people that say they love and care about you.

If these people really truly loved you, they would stop dumping everything they need upon you; but then again, if you loved yourself you wouldn´t let them dump everything upon you, and you would start putting yourself first.

You see, the simple thing is you are trying to please everyone because you live in fear day in, day out.

Fear of not being enough.

Fear of letting people down.

Fear of your kids missing out.

Fear of becoming a single parent.

Fear of being a bad parent.

Fear of not having the right lifestyle.

Fear of failing.

Fear of not being beautiful enough, confident enough, rich enough, smart enough and all the other enoughs out there you can think of.

YOu are afriad of fear of fear itself.

AND IT HAS TO STOP!

RIGHT NOW!

How on earth are you going to show your daughter or nieces what it is to love themselves, and how to be treated respectfully, if you do not love and respect yourself?

And how are you going to teach your son and nephews how to honour a women, and themselves if they see their mother martyring herself every minute of the day?

How are you going to allow your husband or ex-husband to stop bullying you if you do not say “I am not going to be bullied into doing what you want me to do, when you want me to do it?”

I am currently watching Los Chicas de Cables on Netflix and what I am seeing today in many parts of the world is the same attitudes towards women, by both men and women, and the governments in some cases, that were apparent in Europe in the 1920´s.

Yep!

Attitudes from over 100 years ago still present in today´s society and women are ALLOWING it to HAPPEN.

And to all those of you who are not seeing the beautiful women in your life as a whole and complete person with dreams and aspirations, with a zest for life and energy that is infectious, then consider that she is sacrificing who she is in at least 2 areas of life.

And also consider how you yourself are treating her.

Women have been abused and bullied since the onsalught of Patriachy; and yes, I use the word onslaught in full knowledge and understanding of this word.

And yes, I know women are not the only ones to be bullied.

It happens to men as well, by women who see them only as a bank account to the lifestyle they desire; leaving the men unable to breathe under the pressure of keeping everything together so his Queen can have everything she ever dreamed of.

Well, here´s a newsflash for you too all you men out there.

STOP ALLOWING HER TO WALK ALL OVER YOU!

If you are not putting yourself first, ask yourself why not?

If your partner or spouse is not encouraging you to be the very best version of yourself, fulfilling the dreams you have always had, then does they really care about you?

I doubt it.

And if you are the partner or spouse taking advantage of the person you say you´re in love with, the person who encourages you to be the very best version of yourself so you can fulfil your dreams, then quite simply you have work to do on yourself, AND you need to get a new attitude.

The only way mental health and society as a whole are going to improve, with suicide rates declining, along with diabetes, eating disorders, heart problems and toxic co-dependencies cases being reduced is when we all start setting standards and boundaries which honour ourselves first.

Stress levels are at an all time high in the workplace, at home and in schools, and it is starting to affect small children who really shouldn´t have nothing to be stressed about.

People say they don´t believe in all the ´energy and vibration talk´ but tell me you can´t tell when someone has just had a heated argument or hot, passionate sex just before you walk into a room.

Children sense the struggle, shame, guilt, exhaustion, and the downtrodded and the bullied, not to mention the fear like a dog can sense a bitch on heat.

So for heavens sake people, wake up, stop martyring yourself and stand up for yourself!

Start putting yourself first.

Live your dreams.

Be in love with your own life

Learn to say NO to the things you don´t want and a lot more YES to the things you do want.

You are not a slave, and it is not Black Friday* so do yourself and everyone else a favour and get some self respect and self love in your life.

Rant over.

As you were.

*And for all those who want to know why I referenced Black Friday, and why I will never buy anything or sell anything on a Black Friday Promotion, it is because Black Friday Sales are the legacy of the day black slaves from 100´s of years ago would be sold off at a discount simply because they are black.

I want no part of that, will have no part in it and all those who say they are against racism and what it stands for, all those who are ´spiritually enlightened´ and understand how we are all connected, maybe you would like to reconsider your own Black Friday involvement.

Just a thought.