Business Mentoring – Dawn Bates

“Your message is messy, no-one knows what you do”

“You need to stick to one thing and just promote that”

“Your social media needs a make-over”

“What is it you do exactly?”

How many times have you had others in the branding and marketing business come to you and say these comments to you?

I know I’ve had quite a few; and yes, at the beginning my messaging was a little confusing, but then again, I was confused.

I had a lot going on in my private life and I was trying to figure out how to make sense, and money, from the 20 plus years of entrepreneurship and community regeneration experience I have.

Which area of my expertise did I want to focus on?

Which of my passions did I want to harness?

And the thing is,

WE ALL HAVE STUFF going on in our lives we are trying to figure out, so to have someone we don’t know tell us what we need to be doing, how we should be showing up is just something we don’t need in our lives.

It can be even worse when people we do know, who have some idea of what’s going on, but haven’t reached out to ask us how we are and if we need anything, then start telling us what we need to do with our own business.

The words ‘Yuck Fou!’ and other emotional sentences come to the fore and before long, it’s not only feathers we are spitting.

We are seething, feeling like it is another thing we are getting wrong, another level of frustration and just another thing on our already heavy workload.

‘Why can’t everyone else just mind their own bloody business instead of interfering with mine when they know nothing about me?”

A phrase I know went through my head more than once I can tell you!

And here’s the thing (you knew one was coming!)

The people who cannot see your messaging, cannot see you for a reason. They may think your message is messy but your message maybe a deeper message than they are currently able to pick up on.

If your message is messy to them, then maybe consider they are not in the right place to see the depth of your message.

Consider they are not meant to resonate with where you are at or work with you, because they are just not your kind of person; especially if they have not had the common courtesy to reach out to you before they start telling you what is wrong with you, and your business.

And we all know common courtesy, like common sense, isn’t all that common these days, nor are manners, but hey, that’s another post for another time!

Being in business is a bit like becoming a mother, every woman and her opinions come out in full force telling you how to be great at doing this, that and the other.

Very rarely do they take the time to understand who you are, what you already know, your experiences thus far and what your intentions and goals are for the future.

No, they just come with opinions, advice, observations and the sales pitches for this product, service and casserole dish.

When I started sailing around the world, researching captaincy and the world of sailing for one of my up and coming series of books, it seemed as though every captain and fellow sailor I met thought I’d only been born the day before.

Very few asked me about my previous experiences in life, any of the skills outside of sailing or about my life. All they were interested in was how long I had been sailing.

And I get it. We were off sailing, so understanding my level of knowledge in sailing was the key ingredient in the mix.

Many of them were surprised when I was able to fix sails, figure out the rigging, understand how to clean and maintain the boat, assess and prepare provisions, organise the legalities and do a stock check for entering new countries, or how to lead others on the boat without actually being a captain.

My skills were lost on them simply because I didn’t come from a sailing family or hadn’t been sailing for very long.

The arrogance and judgement in the sailing world is at times disgusting, as you will find out when you read The Mermaid’s Guide to Hitch Hiking, and The Mermaid’s Guide to Leadership when they are completed.

The same goes for business.

I may be an author and author coach, a writer for various magazines such as House of PreEminence and One Tribe but this does not mean I have no business experience.

My social media presence may not be all pattern, pastel and predictable, but then again, nor am I, and I am guessing neither are you.

We are human, we are all beautiful messy in our realness.

Sometimes we have offers to promote, sometimes we are celebrating family moments, other times we are sharing our fitness journey’s, and sometimes we are just taking a time out.

Some of us are naturally gifted when it comes to tech skills and doing all the fancy-fancy animations and filming, for others, we are more adept at expressing ourselves through words and a simple photo.

At the end of the day though, our social media messaging may be messy to others, but it is our message not theirs.

When we show up as who we are in the moment, people get to relate to us, they get to know us, they get to see the human side of us, if they take the time to.

Those who do not take the time to get to know you, find out what you are about, are these the people you really want to do business with?

So the next time someone tells you “your message is messy” consider how well they know you, your intentions for the future.

When someone tells you what you ‘should’ or ‘should not’ be doing with your business, listen to yourself.

Is there a doubt?

How did your body respond?

Step back, take a moment, and breathe.

Are you happy with your message?

Are you clear on your message?

Do you know why you share what you do?

Your message is messy to some people because they may not be owning all of who they are, choosing to be a one trick pony.

Your message is messy to some because they cannot see beyond the obvious, they may not be as deep as you, and that is OK.

And so are you.

With love, as always,

Dawn

*Messaging is something I go into with my clients because as authors we get to have a level of freedom to show up in a multitude of ways. Freedom of speech and the authority we have opens doors to a vast array of media opportunities, a wider variety of audiences. With this level of freedom comes responsibility to break the patterns of thought, to disrupt the status quo and make a huge difference in the world.

I currently have 2 openings for 1:1 clients to work with me on a 3, 6, 9 or 12 month basis. There is also the opportunity to join me for my 7 Week Intensive Author Course Programme working 1:1 on all areas of your author life and business.

If you are interested to know more, then book in for a discovery call and let’s see where the journey takes us. Until then, have an awesome week and keep believing in YOU and YOUR MESSAGE!

When you remove the aspect of money from the statement of ‘Pay yourself first’, what are you left with?

What else can you pay yourself with?

Many people will consider money the only thing they have to pay themselves with.

They will not consider the elements of paying themselves respect or compliments first, having been raised to believe that to compliment yourself is to be boastful.

What we choose to pay ourselves is a way of acknowledging our self worth and a way of understanding the impact we are having on others, directly and indirectly.

Take for example the work of a coach, the breakthroughs our clients have on the call, the knowledge and insights they gain, the actions they take each and every day of their lives after the calls, and the results they create in their lives moving forward.

Now some of us may offer a discount on our fees to see another thrive, I know I have many times. Serving others and seeing them rise is a great feeling.

But what happens after these people have got what they wanted and moved on to the next level coach?

Do they remember the foundations built with us, and the impact the sessions have really had?

This morning I was reminded of my time in Egypt as a Class Teacher.

Seeing a photo of a few of my students brought a lump to my throat, and I wondered if these children still thought of me as I think of them.

I know many of my FS1 students remember me because their parents still share with me things they are remembering about our classes together and the phrases they learnt from me, such as:

Small changes make a big difference,

such as change the ‘a’ in ‘fat’ to an ‘i’ and you get ‘fit’.

One of my students Ahmed remembered this so much he took my teachings on earting well and recently won a gold medal for his Egyptian swim team.

Can I take the glory for that? No, Ahmed took the coaching and ran with it, making it his own, but that seed was still planted when we worked together, by me sharing my knowledge, love and excitement with him.

I remember my first teacher. Mrs Daisly her name was. In fact, I can tell you all about my teachers, in fact if you read my first book Friday Bridge, you’ll see who these teachers went on to transform my life, especially Ms Eddon.

Ask me the name of any of my coaches, mentors and trainers, and I’ll be able to tell you. I acknowledge them still to this day by referring others to them, and by remaining in contact with them.

I know I wouldn’t be the person I am today without the people who have guided me, mentored and coached me… and kicked my backside with some of the harshest truths I have had in my life…

(Well apart from my mother and ex-husband, but that’s for another blog on another day).

Loyalty is a core value of mine, and I have had to learn to be more loyal to myself by paying myself compliments and acknowledging myself.

Paying others compliments and acknowledging them is a great thing to do, but it can lead to us taking away from our own part of the journey.

Gifting others the praise instead of ourselves is a form of self sabotage, because many times we forget that we also showed up to the calls, did the work, sat with the discomfort and allowed ourselves to be coached.

How many of us look to others for validation, when the validation we need, is the validation we give ourselves.

When we are not paying ourselves compliments first, and acknowledging our own journey, with all the twists and turns, bumps and potholes along the way, then we are doing ourselves a huge disservice.

When you consider the time and effort you have put into something, and the results you have achieved, don’t you think you should pay yourself first with a compliment or two?

What about all the bills you have coming in, that need to be paid? How are you going to pay for those if you haven’t acknowledged your own journey, skills and experience and priced your services and times accordingly?

And it’s not about the money to be honest with you.

It’s about the ability to pay yourself first with the integrity of your word to be the best version of self, to gift yourself the knowledge that you are worth more than you think you are.

To deliver on your promises, by understanding what you are saying, and of course what you are not saying.

Paying yourself first with the self belief that you are worthy of a life made up of ease and flow, without stressing that you have ‘too much to do’, or ‘do not enough time in the day’ is paramount.

Understanding the difference between a cost, investment and a debt in the non monetary sense is fundamental to any kind of growth, whether it is personal, professional or business.

When you gift yourself time in the morning to just BE, to spend time downloading the thoughts into a journal is the ability to pay yourself first each day with the gift of serenity, clarity of mind and inner peace.

Making sure you are able to pay your bills on time and in full, with ease and flow, is the ability to pay yourself first the ‘respect you deserve’ because you have charged your time accordingly, and chosen the right people to work with.

Being able to pay yourself first with sleep and exercise is honouring your body and mind, so you can honour your higher self; paying your future dreams the opportunity to materialise.

Saying you want one thing and doing something else which jeopardises the thing you want is paying yourself a dishonour and a disservice.

So I invite you today to look at how you are paying yourself, and in what order you are paying yourself.

What are you paying yourself?

What does your future look like if you continue on this path you are currently on?

And what will your future look like if you choose to pay yourself first all the non monetary gifts the world has to offer?

Ladies you can find out more what your future looks like by gifting yourself the Phoenix Rising Challenge, 21 Days of getting to know yourself on a whole new level, getting present to who you really are and the value you bring to the world.

Because let’s face it, when we hear and see the positive impact we have on the lives of others we can’t help but feel that warm fuzzy glow.

Imagine what you would experience if you actually paid yourself the time to acknowledge what you have really truly done for yourself, and how you will feel when you have gifted yourself all you truly desire, instead of always gifting to others first.

Enjoy the imaginings my lovelies, and remember when you pay yourself first, living to laugh and laughing to live becomes a whole lot easier.

Ciao for now xx