And then I started crying

This morning I opened my What’s App message from my youngest son, and then I started crying.

“Are we cancelling the flights?” was all he had written; and with this simple questions my eyes filled with tears.

And even as I write this, they are still falling.

You see, they were supposed to be joining me in just 11 days.

Both of them together.

The last time we were together in person, just the three of us, was 14 months ago.

That’s a long time since we were the Travelling Trio on the road together .

Memories flooded to the surface and then I started crying all over again.

I saw them both individually 7 and 8 months ago; and I see them pretty much every day through the screen of my phone or my laptop.

But the thought of holding them both together in my arms, of kissing them both, and breathing them in deeply was a moment I was looking forward to the most.  

Yes we were going to have some incredible adventures around Argentina, but to just be able to hold my boys,

feel them next to me,

to just have them put their arms around me at any random given moment…

these are the moments I miss the most.

And yes, I know there are going to be people out there who will tell me “serves you right, you left them with their dad” and “what did you expect when you left them to go sailing around the world?”

But to these people, I send love, because they are living in judgement of others, without knowing the full story.

You see I dive deep into whether I have done the right thing by leaving my boys with their dad on a regular basis.

I have to.

I dive deep into the emotions, beliefs and challenges which come up for me daily, unblocking any potential blindspots which maybe holding me back.

I know this is only a temporary set back.

A postponement of their visit.

It is not a cancellation of it, just a delay.

And we all experience delays in our lives; and if we are honest with ourselves, we cause a lot of our own delays.

When we just keep moving through the emotions, as I am doing now, the tears stop falling, as they did a few sentences ago.

I have received more messages from my eldest and we are having a family meeting after my podcast interview in less than two hours.

It’s all good.

Emotions when we dive into them help us explore options, get creative and come up with new answers.

I know I am not going to cancel their flights, and the stubborn arse in me doesn’t even want to postpone the flights.

There is something deep inside of me which tells me the fear and hysteria has 11 days to die down and they will still be able to fly.

Governments will come to their senses…. if they had any at all in the beginning, and with the number of people recovering quickly and the breakthroughs happening, I know everything will be just fine.

Will the travel bans be lifted before the boys are due to fly?

Well, that will depend on whether the UK and Argentina choose to step out of fear and work together on this issue.

How likely that is given their history in the past, heaven only knows!

But I am choosing to remain positive.

I can only control one thing, and that is what is going on inside of me.  It is why I choose to eat healthily, it is why I choose to read and watch positive and informative content; and why I choose to write content in the way I do.

I sent my son the Bill Gates Ted Talk on where Bill predicted this kind of outbreak back in 2014.  How many people listened to him? How many people were even wanting to be ready?

And I repeat this last bit… “How many people were even wanting to be ready?”

My son is studying Computer Science, Physics and Further Maths, and loves the world of Dungeons and Dragons… for me he is a beautiful mix of the ancient and the modern, and incredibly smart…

Sometimes a little too smart for his own good, but that’s a different story!

My boys and I message each other daily with Ted Talks, Meme’s, articles, photos and messages of love and cheeky banter.

Without WiFi this global book tour and research trip for my next series of books would have been a lot harder to deal with.

As a mother who loves the outdoor life, I have hated my boys being on their tech so much.

“Get outside and play” I would say to them when they were little.  5 and 6 hour hikes in the Peak District National Park we would take on a Sunday with our dog.

We would spend hours in the park, weekends on road trips, and when we are together, nothing really changes.  We still have mad adventures, and we always will.

This challenge is a different kind of adventure.  Do we postpone or change the flights to somewhere else? Do I move up the Americas to Brazil? Because the event that is planned here in Buenos Aries is now going to be online, which I can do from anywhere.

I wanted to go to Iguazu Falls with the boys, take them horse riding, watch them enjoy ‘the best steak in the world’ and show them the Tango at one of the most amazing theatres here in Argentina, but maybe this isn’t the time.

Maybe it is time for me to move on and meet them in Rio?

Who knows what is going to happen in the next few days, next few hours even!

All we can do is just move forward, feel into the emotions, acknowledge them and allow them to show us what they need to show us, take what is needed from them and then move on.

Right now, for me, it is time to prepare for my podcast interview, have a coffee and some lunch, and then send some documents and workbooks to my clients.

Wherever we are physcially, mentally, financially and emotionally, we also have a choice on whether we stay in that space.  We always get to create a new vision, we always get to learn, we always get to sit and reflect on if where we are, is where we want to be.

This morning I posted some journalling questions on Facebook for those who are resisting being at home, the response has already been an interesting one.

Having just had another message from my youngest, I know he is now home from school.

He has sent a big massive grin through What’s App because I have told him we are not cancelling, just postponing…

And now it is time to sign off here, and go and speak with him, with them both… before I add photos, SEO, slugs etc to the rest of this post, and before my podcast interview, which I will of course share with you here once it is available.

Family first right? And just like this photo shows, my boys and I always create bridges… regardless of where we are.