“Dawn, what’s your return on that relationship that has you keep going back for more?”
A question my coach asked me the other day and something I have been processing in my mind and feeling into with my body.
And not just with the particular person we were discussing, but with every single relationship I have in my life.
It seems the more I focus on my vision for the future, more and more people are being removed, because quite simply many of them are a one way street – cleverly dressed in a superficial dress code of respect and gratitude.
You would think after all these years of being in business, doing the ‘inner work’ I would have learnt to see through the bullshit, but the older I get, the wiser I get, the deeper I go, the more I learn.
And the more grateful for the awakenings I am.
Honouring yourself and understanding where you focus your energy becomes more and more important the more you value yourself, and the more you choose the vision of the future, whilst also staying present in the moment.
Living in the future too much is not healthy, living in the past limiting and painful – both pointless exercises, unless of course you are reflecting on how far you have come and assessing where you are and making a plan for what’s next.
Far too many people have been feeding off my positivity and increased success just lately, seeing me as their next paid invoice and taking me for granted, something I take full responsiblity for.
They may say they respect me, honour me and value me, and for them in their world view they probably do, but when I look at things from a higher place of consciousness I can see the limitations in their own self resepct, honour and value.
And this is not coming from a place of arrogance, just a realisation that I have become more aware of everything going on around me. Some introductions and connections do have a very high return on investment for both me and the other parties, others… nah not so much.
Distance from the energy vampires is very much needed, and my energy needs protecting even more.
The plans I have for the future, the kind of woman, sister, mother, lover and leader I wish to be requires me to become even more choosy of who gets my attention, who is permitted to work with me on a 1:1 basis, as well as who is allowed in my inner circle.
Peope will soon realise that just because I am friendly and personable does not mean I am their friend or that I am their ‘sister’. My mother raised me to be polite, to be courteous and I am, and I always will be.
As a child and throughout my teens I was told “If you could bottle your energy you would be a billionaire” and it has only been in the last decade I have really begun to understand energy work and how valuable my energy is.
Back then I thought it was the energy of always being active, positive and focused, and whilst that is still part of it, I now understand energy on a whole new level, and that is a powerful gift in and of itself.
So many ‘enlightened’ folk will say things along the lines of “If I want you around it’s because I love your energy” and yet most of them are energy vampires and feeding off the positive energy of others without giving anything back in return.
Many are talking the talk, regurgitating the current trendy narrative, and creating a lucrative income off those who are wanting to be on trend, but lack the depth of understanding in all the areas of enlightenment.
And whilst I resonate deeply with the quote of wanting people around because I love their energy, I also respect their energy. Everything is a two-way street and I work with them to ensure both our energy cups are full, rather than just feeding off theirs to make my own cup overflow.
In a few days I will be totally offline at a retreat where there is no WiFi, no electricity and I will be back by the ocean; this time in a different part of the world, with a very different energy.
After this retreat I will be off sailing again to my next location, crossing another sea and spending the days and nights on watch, surrounded by 360* views of the ocean.
As always there will be people watching my journey and wanting to know where I am and wanting to see photos, but I am retreating further into privacy, putting more and more distance between myself and those who live vicariously through me, rather than living their own lives.
Because by me being so public about my life, I am keeping people in a state of co-dependency, just like when we as coaches and course creators cut our prices to allow others to afford to work with us. We keep them co-dependent on discounts and dishonouring themselves.
As a writer of inspirational and motivational books, which detail my journey of growth and how I achieved it all, not to mention a creator of online courses which show others how to live their own dream life, there are plenty of ways people can work with me.
Those who work with me on a 1:1 know we will be kicking excuses out the door and working together so we can both rise in our positive power. The thing is though, I have realised that some of my past clients have been on the take and have become so misaligned I have refused to continue working with them.
My evolution is fast, and with good reason.
My purpose and life plan is calling me forward faster than I could ever have imagined and the more I invest in myself and my business, the more lives I get to impact.
Take the 1 million copies sold project I have created. Some may think it is about the money and the accolade of selling 1 million copies of all my books, but it is about making sure the books land in the hands of 1 million people so they too can stand in their power and create the future they have always dreamed of.
My books are for a variety of niche groups, people who understand social justice to be more than just the street protests, shouting from the rooftops or venting on Facebook.
My readers are the ones who understand that social justice means deep soul work, changing the lineage of their families, creating change guided by the ancestors and honouring themselves as well as those who died to make our lifestyles possible.
My readers are the ones who know that to beat the system we need to change our own stories, raising our own consciousness and stepping into our own truth, speaking our truth and from that place creating an abundance of joy, change, love and success in our chosen fields.
Creating a marketing strategy for the multitude of reader profiles is simple for me, but finding a marketing team who can harnesss the level of diversity in my readers leaves most social media and marketing managers lost in confusion because I am not someone who fits into a mainstream box.
Like I have said before, the moment we agree to think outside the box is the moment we put ourselves in the box, and that is not healthy on any level, for us, our family, our communities or for the health of the planet.
The people I choose to be around are those who are out there living life, impacting the masses and collaborating to fill up each other’s cups, not draining them and sitting back waiting for action to happen to them.
We are the go getters, the game changers, the elevators of conversations and those who are willing to risk it all to change the narratives around the world.
We are the ones who understand that every single experience we have is an opportunity to optimise and fine tune who we are, to adjust the journey we are on and where we are heading.
The understanding that many people who come into our lives will only be passing through, and those who get the privilige to stay with us are the ones who give a valuable return on relationship.
I know relationships take time, they take nurturing, and sometimes it isn’t until 2, 3 or 10 years later a joint project, conversation or introduction takes place.
Take my LinkedIn profile for example, some people over on that platform I have known for more than twenty years off line, and we converse in the direct messages and on zoom calls now I live my life as a digital nomad, otherwise known as a free spirit.
Just today I reconnected with someone after two years and he has invited me to appear on his podcast. Others I know I will probably never work with directly, but we pass business each others way all the time. It’s what we do.
Many people think I ‘delete people willy nilly’ but the truth is, many people in my space have been on this journey with me for a couple of decades, others coming up for a decade and some I clicked with immediately and starting working together straight away.
None of my connections are based on monetary value, who they can introduce me to or their perceived level of success either. They are based on trust, respect and loyalty.
Some of the people I remove it is solely because I cannot imagine having dinner with them in my kind of location, or more than an organic, fair trade cup of coffee before the conversation runs out. If we go over the same conversation we had 2 years ago, 3 years ago… and there is nothing new to add or be inspired by, then it is time to move on.
This is not Groundhog Day, and I am not the dude from Ghostbusters.
Each and every moment of my life is now much more valuable than it was this morning, the question is, is yours?