Pay yourself first

When you remove the aspect of money from the statement of ‘Pay yourself first’, what are you left with?

What else can you pay yourself with?

Many people will consider money the only thing they have to pay themselves with.

They will not consider the elements of paying themselves respect or compliments first, having been raised to believe that to compliment yourself is to be boastful.

What we choose to pay ourselves is a way of acknowledging our self worth and a way of understanding the impact we are having on others, directly and indirectly.

Take for example the work of a coach, the breakthroughs our clients have on the call, the knowledge and insights they gain, the actions they take each and every day of their lives after the calls, and the results they create in their lives moving forward.

Now some of us may offer a discount on our fees to see another thrive, I know I have many times. Serving others and seeing them rise is a great feeling.

But what happens after these people have got what they wanted and moved on to the next level coach?

Do they remember the foundations built with us, and the impact the sessions have really had?

This morning I was reminded of my time in Egypt as a Class Teacher.

Seeing a photo of a few of my students brought a lump to my throat, and I wondered if these children still thought of me as I think of them.

I know many of my FS1 students remember me because their parents still share with me things they are remembering about our classes together and the phrases they learnt from me, such as:

Small changes make a big difference,

such as change the ‘a’ in ‘fat’ to an ‘i’ and you get ‘fit’.

One of my students Ahmed remembered this so much he took my teachings on earting well and recently won a gold medal for his Egyptian swim team.

Can I take the glory for that? No, Ahmed took the coaching and ran with it, making it his own, but that seed was still planted when we worked together, by me sharing my knowledge, love and excitement with him.

I remember my first teacher.  Mrs Daisly her name was.  In fact, I can tell you all about my teachers, in fact if you read my first book Friday Bridge, you’ll see who these teachers went on to transform my life, especially Ms Eddon.

Ask me the name of any of my coaches, mentors and trainers, and I’ll be able to tell you. I acknowledge them still to this day by referring others to them, and by remaining in contact with them.

I know I wouldn’t be the person I am today without the people who have guided me, mentored and coached me… and kicked my backside with some of the harshest truths I have had in my life…

(Well apart from my mother and ex-husband, but that’s for another blog on another day).

Loyalty is a core value of mine, and I have had to learn to be more loyal to myself by paying myself compliments and acknowledging myself.

Paying others compliments and acknowledging them is a great thing to do, but it can lead to us taking away from our own part of the journey. 

Gifting others the praise instead of ourselves is a form of self sabotage, because many times we forget that we also showed up to the calls, did the work, sat with the discomfort and allowed ourselves to be coached.

How many of us look to others for validation, when the validation we need, is the validation we give ourselves.

When we are not paying ourselves compliments first, and acknowledging our own journey, with all the twists and turns, bumps and potholes along the way, then we are doing ourselves a huge disservice.

When you consider the time and effort you have put into something, and the results you have achieved, don’t you think you should pay yourself first with a compliment or two?

What about all the bills you have coming in, that need to be paid? How are you going to pay for those if you haven’t acknowledged your own journey, skills and experience and priced your services and times accordingly?

And it’s not about the money to be honest with you.

It’s about the ability to pay yourself first with the integrity of your word to be the best version of self, to gift yourself the knowledge that you are worth more than you think you are.

To deliver on your promises, by understanding what you are saying, and of course what you are not saying.

Paying yourself first with the self belief that you are worthy of a life made up of ease and flow, without stressing that you have ‘too much to do’, or ‘do not enough time in the day’ is paramount.

Understanding the difference between a cost, investment and a debt in the non monetary sense is fundamental to any kind of growth, whether it is personal, professional or business.

When you gift yourself time in the morning to just BE, to spend time downloading the thoughts into a journal is the ability to pay yourself first each day with the gift of serenity, clarity of mind and inner peace.

Making sure you are able to pay your bills on time and in full, with ease and flow, is the ability to pay yourself first the ‘respect you deserve’ because you have charged your time accordingly, and chosen the right people to work with.

Being able to pay yourself first with sleep and exercise is honouring your body and mind, so you can honour your higher self; paying your future dreams the opportunity to materialise. 

Saying you want one thing and doing something else which jeopardises the thing you want is paying yourself a dishonour and a disservice.

So I invite you today to look at how you are paying yourself, and in what order you are paying yourself.

What are you paying yourself?

What does your future look like if you continue on this path you are currently on?

And what will your future look like if you choose to pay yourself first all the non monetary gifts the world has to offer?

Ladies you can find out more what your future looks like by gifting yourself the Phoenix Rising Challenge, 21 Days of getting to know yourself on a whole new level, getting present to who you really are and the value you bring to the world.

Because let’s face it, when we hear and see the positive impact we have on the lives of others we can’t help but feel that warm fuzzy glow.

Imagine what you would experience if you actually paid yourself the time to acknowledge what you have really truly done for yourself, and how you will feel when you have gifted yourself all you truly desire, instead of always gifting to others first.

Enjoy the imaginings my lovelies, and remember when you pay yourself first, living to laugh and laughing to live becomes a whole lot easier.

Ciao for now xx





When the game changed…

When the game changed for you, what was it that made you finally take action?

What were the emotions and thoughts going through your body and your mind?

Whatever they were, they were powerful enough for you to know that life could not continue on the trajectory it was heading; without serious consequences.

Isn’t it sad that it takes something so painful, shocking or traumatic for so many of us to ‘wake up and smell the coffee’?

I knew the moment I set foot onboard Bark Europa for my Atlantic Ocean crossing, life would never be the same again.  It was either going to go ‘tits up’ or better than I could ever imagine.

Making the choice to invest in my next level of seamanship education, working on my next series of books and completing the next leg of my global book tour promoting my books was a HUGE step for me; and it had nothing to do with being out on the ocean for three months.

You see, for many of us trust is something that has been broken time and time again.  It has become our most prized possession, our most valued commodity, and we keep people at a distance for a whole plethora of reasons.

Abuse, betrayal, secrecy, fear; they are all part and parcel of why we don’t trust others.

For me, learning to trust others, was more about learning to trust myself, to trust myself, to trust others. Yes, you read that right, and no the repitition isn’t a mistake.

Learning to trust our own instincts, and learning to trust people at their word, can be a huge challenge for many of us; especially when it comes to women trusting other women.

And especially when it comes to our businesses, our livelihoods, the security of our family’s future.

Having had businesses with my ex-husband and fellow entrepreneurs in the past, embarking on a business venture by myself took a lot of soul searching.  A trust and a faith in myself that “I could do this!”

I always knew I would have a hugely successful business, measured on my own terms of success, not others.

I was confident in my abilities to run a business, but when I became a single parent, this was when the game changed for me the first time.

And I mean REALLY changed.

I was a lone wolf.  Trust went out the window, and yet I was determined to make my business a success.

Curve ball after curve ball, I managed to perfect the swing of the bat and knock them all for six, but deep down I was still unable to trust others to help me grow my business.


Because I still didn’t trust myself.

I questioned everybody, not just who they were and who they claimed to be, but their track records, the recommendations, and the motives behind their motives; the ones they were not even aware of.

Major paranoia set in, and I had to start a much deeper healing process.  It wasn’t enough to grunt and groan in the dojo during martial arts workout, expelling all the negative energy, I had to go deeper.

Hiring a VA was a big deal, especially as I had to give her passwords and access to emails and social media accounts for her to do her work.

The trust trigger went into overload and another round of inner healing had to take place.

A few months in, and although I thoroughly enjoyed this woman’s humour and drive, she started telling me what I needed to do to be successful.

Er…. I don’t think so love!

There was no way she was going to tell me how to run my business, THIS WAS MY BUSINESS!

Embarking on another journey was when the game changed again.  This time it was a more positive experience.

I met people on this 12 week online programme who got me, and 5 years later some of us are still cheering each other on and supporting each other.

One of the most beautiful things about joining a global online community of fellow learners is the friendships you make along the way, not just the insights, ‘a-ha! moments’ and awakenings along the way.

Realising many of us had similar experiences, struggles and blockages made us all feel more confident, and we knew we were no all alone and feeling like we didn’t get it, or not moving fast enough.

We were all where we were supposed to be and in the right place for all these lessons to take place; we had to trust the process.

And there was that 5 letter ‘T’ word raising it’s dangerous little head again.

You see, when we are on a journey of growth, of becoming the very best version of self, we get present to what it is that triggers something deep inside of us.

These places deep inside of us which have us respond aggressively, or run away from the things which make us uncomfortable, need healing; and it is only when we allow ourselves to heal from these deep wounds that we can really start to accelerate in all areas of life.

Crossing the Atlantic for me was like crossing the finish line of a long journey, one I knew once I had passed it, I would be ready to go to the next level.

I believed I had the right people on my team.  I had trusted them to honour their words, the ones they spoke to me, and put out there into the world.

I was confident that I would return to land and my business would be in a stronger position.

Unfortunately it wasn’t.

In fact, for the very first time in 21 years I experienced what it was like to not have made a sale in my businesses.

I felt like the wind had well and truly been knocked from my sails.

A track record of 21 years broken because I had trusted the wrong people with my business.

And what happened… yep, you guess it, that 5 letter word came back to haunt me and I had to go deeper into why I had trusted the wrong people.

Looking back now, just 5 months on, I have learnt some very valuable lessons, and I know these people came into my life to show me where the gaps were in my business, as well as my own leadership and responsibility.

My savings may have been almost wiped out, and the fund I’d created for an emergency flight and accomodation back in the UK to see my boys gone over night, but the learning has been valuable.

My savings are building again, the UK emergency fund is almost what it was and a new team has been built.

The global book tour is still underway and even though here in South America we are still in quaratine for being healthy, with no news on when the borders are to reopen on land or sea, I am more excited about the future than ever.

My goal of publishing 11 books in 2020 is still on target, three of which will be written by me and the others will be books written by my clients.

The new name for my publishing company has been sorted, and will publish books other publishers consider ‘too hot to handle’, gifting authors with a powerful story to make a huge difference in the world a platform and community to thrive in.

The Trilogy of Life Itself is having a make over and being released on even more platforms making it easier for everyone to get their hands on a copy of each one.

My first biography about an incredible woman who is leading the way and ignoring all the rules by simply being herself will be released in the next couple of months; so my laptop has had a hammering and my hands are ready for a full on manicure I can tell you!

With four online courses being launched in the next month, all designed with business owners and  budding authors in mind, I am making sure my business never has a break in the sales cycle ever again.

You see when the game changed for me, it changed in such a powerful way, one that lit a fire under my arse and made me rethink the people in my life, the way I do business, and the way I show up.

I didn’t embark upon this journey away from my boys and two fur babies to waste my time and not achieve everything I set out to do.  My boys are watching, and for me, that is the most powerful call to action I will ever have.

So I invite you, right now, to consider when the game changes for you, what will that look like? What would need to happen for you to take action like never before? And can you simply choose to take that action now, before it’s too late?

And as always, if you want to have a call with me to see what’s possible, then all you have to do is click on this link and book an appointment.

And if you are a woman who wants to dive in and take action right now, sign up for the Phoenix Rising: 21 Day Challenge which has just been lauched.

It is designed with the focused and driven woman in mind who wishes to alchemise a certain idea into reality, whether it is a new business, a community project, a house move or a global movement.

Maybe you are recently single and need to create a new vision for your future, whatever you want, this 21 Day Challenge is guaranteed to get you moving, provided you play full out and show up for yourself each and every day.

It’s already proven to create EPIC results in the lives of the women who have taken part, and the lives of those who these ladies are working with.

So again, I ask you, think back to when the game changed for you last time and consider what was it that made you finally take action?

Are you going to allow yourself to go there again, albeit it in a different way, or are you going to take action now?