Following on from my last update so much has happened, and I have spent this last month letting go and moving on to the next phase of my life.
I woke up on the Saturday after my birthday and just had to go home and see my boys and fur babies. I had spent a lot of time reflecting on the last year of my life, as I always do around my birthday.
Spending my 40th birthday in a court room clearing my name last year, I wanted to enjoy my 41st birthday; and enjoy it I did! Two wonderful new girlfriends took me out for afternoon tea to celebrate; and one of them gave me such a wonderful gift, I was left speechless! (Yes! Me! Speechless!)
Amongst all this joy, and recovering from the near death experience and losing my teeth it was time to regroup. Time to see my boys, my fur babies and my mum.
Spending time with my boys was truly wonderful. Being followed everywhere I went by my dogs equally as wonderful. Seeing my mum emotional.
Being back in Sheffield and back in Friday Bridge confronting. Life back on land was nice, but I was surrounded by painful memories, and a longing for the ocean like I had never experienced before.
I knew living on land no longer belonged in my future. Living in Sheffield was no longer an option. Sailing around the world promoting my books, meeting new and existing friends and clients, spending time in deep reflection has changed me beyond anything I could ever anticipated.
For those of you who have read my books and been following this blog, you’ll understand and recognise my transformation. You may not, but you’ll see me clearer than those who haven’t read my books.
I don’t know where I belong yet, I just know I am at my happiest when out on the ocean, days away from land, writing my books, watching the ocean move and the dolphins play. Seeing the sun and moon rise and set is simply breathtaking, no matter how many times I see it happening.
When not at sea I am happiest on the beach or playing in the ocean. It helps me unwind and get creative. I am a happier person, a much better mother, and a more powerful coach and mentor for my clients. Everyone wins.
Returning home I had still not received the payment for my dental reconstruction from Lava Charter; and it seems now I will not receive it either.
One representative has blackmailed me into taking down my latest blog post, and the other has told me to ‘get creative’ or rather be deceitful by taking down the blog, get paid and then repost it.
Neither course of action sits well with me. I am honest, some say to a fault. Sometimes honesty isn’t the way to get what you want in today’s society, but it is my way; and I am the one who has to live with myself, so lying isn’t an option for me.
Reflecting on other areas of my life I realised it was time for the next level. Letting go of the past and moving on.
Selling furniture and more possessions I won’t need in the future and investing the cash in my next level life was both liberating and exciting; even if tinged with an element of sadness.
But when letting go of the past, whether it is people, places or things grief always enters in one way or another. Life goes on, and you sometimes have to make choices that are hard to live the life you love.
Living away from my boys has bought some interesting comments, some of them nasty. Some vicious, some wonderfully supportive. It has also bought with it a level of evolution in my boys, my ex-husband, friends as well as myself. We have all stepped up and away from the 1950’s model of thinking whereby the mother has to be the family maid and martyr herself, sacrificing herself and her dreams for the sake of her husband and children.
After a few weeks back in the UK I had to get going, I had to move forward with this next leg of my circumnavigation, with the research for my next series of books; with the next evolution of self.
Since my accident I have been blessed with the friendship of a truly wonderful woman. Our days of laughter and support for each other during some difficult times now sees us crossing the Atlantic together on her yacht; and it is going to change my view of cruising altogether. Rocket Science is no ordinary cruising yacht. It’s custom made… And fast!
I have no idea what will happen when I get to the Caribbean. I am going to see what happens when I get there. I know I have some client calls, a Multiple Income Streams training and the delivery of my 7 week author course to deliver. I also have my 12 Day Intensive Author Retreat (or bootcamp as my friend calls it!) to deliver for 6 lucky people.
But whatever happens, I know I am incredibly blessed. I have a wonderful life. I have two amazing young men I have the honour to call my children, support from my ex-husband, some incredible friends and amazing clients.
I am alive; and I am honest. I have my integrity in tact and a fire in my belly that keeps me moving forward to live my life being the very best version of self I can be. I get to live my dream every day with wonderful people.
Choosing this new life, I can honestly say I am deeply happy. I may be away from my boys, but I will see them in a few weeks in the Caribbean.
Being single isn’t a problem for me either. Yes I want to sail the world with a man I love and will live out my days with, but he is going to have to be one very exceptional man for me to allow him into my life. My boys are watching and I am not settling for mediocrity.
The hunt for my boat is seriously underway. I’ve even chosen the name for her, and have a list of features she is going to need for me and my dogs to live aboard, as well as accommodate family, close friends and my clients.
With all these wonderful blessings in my life, so much beauty, so much freedom to create and enjoy life, enabling others to do the same, I know the choices I have made throughout this last year have been the right ones.
As this is the end of this entry, I leave you with this question to ponder on…
If you could make new choices based on what you truly want, without money, time or others being a factor, what would those choices be and why? And when you are ready to make these life choices a reality, let me know and I’ll be there cheering you on and encouraging you every step of the way!
With love, and honesty, as always,
Your very own mermaid,