And then I started crying

This morning I opened my What’s App message from my youngest son, and then I started crying.

“Are we cancelling the flights?” was all he had written; and with this simple questions my eyes filled with tears.

And even as I write this, they are still falling.

You see, they were supposed to be joining me in just 11 days.

Both of them together.

The last time we were together in person, just the three of us, was 14 months ago.

That’s a long time since we were the Travelling Trio on the road together .

Memories flooded to the surface and then I started crying all over again.

I saw them both individually 7 and 8 months ago; and I see them pretty much every day through the screen of my phone or my laptop.

But the thought of holding them both together in my arms, of kissing them both, and breathing them in deeply was a moment I was looking forward to the most.  

Yes we were going to have some incredible adventures around Argentina, but to just be able to hold my boys,

feel them next to me,

to just have them put their arms around me at any random given moment…

these are the moments I miss the most.

And yes, I know there are going to be people out there who will tell me “serves you right, you left them with their dad” and “what did you expect when you left them to go sailing around the world?”

But to these people, I send love, because they are living in judgement of others, without knowing the full story.

You see I dive deep into whether I have done the right thing by leaving my boys with their dad on a regular basis.

I have to.

I dive deep into the emotions, beliefs and challenges which come up for me daily, unblocking any potential blindspots which maybe holding me back.

I know this is only a temporary set back.

A postponement of their visit.

It is not a cancellation of it, just a delay.

And we all experience delays in our lives; and if we are honest with ourselves, we cause a lot of our own delays.

When we just keep moving through the emotions, as I am doing now, the tears stop falling, as they did a few sentences ago.

I have received more messages from my eldest and we are having a family meeting after my podcast interview in less than two hours.

It’s all good.

Emotions when we dive into them help us explore options, get creative and come up with new answers.

I know I am not going to cancel their flights, and the stubborn arse in me doesn’t even want to postpone the flights.

There is something deep inside of me which tells me the fear and hysteria has 11 days to die down and they will still be able to fly.

Governments will come to their senses…. if they had any at all in the beginning, and with the number of people recovering quickly and the breakthroughs happening, I know everything will be just fine.

Will the travel bans be lifted before the boys are due to fly?

Well, that will depend on whether the UK and Argentina choose to step out of fear and work together on this issue.

How likely that is given their history in the past, heaven only knows!

But I am choosing to remain positive.

I can only control one thing, and that is what is going on inside of me.  It is why I choose to eat healthily, it is why I choose to read and watch positive and informative content; and why I choose to write content in the way I do.

I sent my son the Bill Gates Ted Talk on where Bill predicted this kind of outbreak back in 2014.  How many people listened to him? How many people were even wanting to be ready?

And I repeat this last bit… “How many people were even wanting to be ready?”

My son is studying Computer Science, Physics and Further Maths, and loves the world of Dungeons and Dragons… for me he is a beautiful mix of the ancient and the modern, and incredibly smart…

Sometimes a little too smart for his own good, but that’s a different story!

My boys and I message each other daily with Ted Talks, Meme’s, articles, photos and messages of love and cheeky banter.

Without WiFi this global book tour and research trip for my next series of books would have been a lot harder to deal with.

As a mother who loves the outdoor life, I have hated my boys being on their tech so much.

“Get outside and play” I would say to them when they were little.  5 and 6 hour hikes in the Peak District National Park we would take on a Sunday with our dog.

We would spend hours in the park, weekends on road trips, and when we are together, nothing really changes.  We still have mad adventures, and we always will.

This challenge is a different kind of adventure.  Do we postpone or change the flights to somewhere else? Do I move up the Americas to Brazil? Because the event that is planned here in Buenos Aries is now going to be online, which I can do from anywhere.

I wanted to go to Iguazu Falls with the boys, take them horse riding, watch them enjoy ‘the best steak in the world’ and show them the Tango at one of the most amazing theatres here in Argentina, but maybe this isn’t the time.

Maybe it is time for me to move on and meet them in Rio?

Who knows what is going to happen in the next few days, next few hours even!

All we can do is just move forward, feel into the emotions, acknowledge them and allow them to show us what they need to show us, take what is needed from them and then move on.

Right now, for me, it is time to prepare for my podcast interview, have a coffee and some lunch, and then send some documents and workbooks to my clients.

Wherever we are physcially, mentally, financially and emotionally, we also have a choice on whether we stay in that space.  We always get to create a new vision, we always get to learn, we always get to sit and reflect on if where we are, is where we want to be.

This morning I posted some journalling questions on Facebook for those who are resisting being at home, the response has already been an interesting one.

Having just had another message from my youngest, I know he is now home from school.

He has sent a big massive grin through What’s App because I have told him we are not cancelling, just postponing…

And now it is time to sign off here, and go and speak with him, with them both… before I add photos, SEO, slugs etc to the rest of this post, and before my podcast interview, which I will of course share with you here once it is available.

Family first right? And just like this photo shows, my boys and I always create bridges… regardless of where we are.

Who do you think you are?

“Who do you think you are?” is such a great question.

Whether it is from someone who thinks they are above us and are ‘oh so offended’ by the way we have behaved or spoken, or whether it is a question we ask ourselves.

When we ask ourselves this, it gives us the opportunity to get really clear on who we are.

It doesn’t matter what others think of us.

It doesn’t matter who others think we are.

All that matters is who WE think we are.

Me?

I know I a full blown fire cracker, whirlwind of energy and laughter.

I can’t help it.

I love life!

Why would I not?

I get to wake up each day after nearly having lost my life three times now, once in an overdose in my teens, once due to ill health during my second pregnancy and the last time going overboard during a boat delivery from La Linea to Lanzorote last year.

But I am still here, a cat with nine lives I am not, but I have a zest and love for life which has come from experiencing and witnessing certain events throughout my 42 years of life.

You see when we travel alone and open ourselves up to people and cultures around the world, who we are really truly emerges.  The person inside who has been moulded by our homeland, the society back home, culture, it all starts to blend and mould with the new ones.

Now obviously if we stay rooted into our existing beliefs and only mix with others from our homeland, such as the many ex-pat communities around the world, then we never really shake off the bullshit we get covered in whilst staying in our homeland.

And yes, I get it, not many people get to travel.  Not many people can afford to travel… or so they think.

When I left the UK to do this global book tour and curcumnavigation, I left with almost £20,000 of debt due to the #ScotlandSaga (which you can read about in Crossing The Line) and after a 5 week holiday with my boys before they flew home, I was travelling on a wing and a prayer, coupled with a huge amount of belief and faith in myself.

And of course I just simply trusted the process and that everything I wanted would work out in my favour.

And here I am a couple of years later sat on the balcony of an apartment in the heart of Buenos Aries, listening to my favourite band, wiggling my booty and singing along to the tunes, having made it almost half way around the world.

My book tour as a self published author is going well, I meet people all the time who as soon as they find out what work I do they are straight onto Amazon purchasing my books.  I am booked for podcasts around the world and I meet new clients all the time.

My business is growing and so is the impact I am making.

But all that aside, the biggest transformation is in the way I respond to things.  Meeting people from all around the world, with different beliefs, communication styles, cultures and attitudes has made me a much better human being.

And without being too cheeky or self indulgent, I know I was an amazing person before too!

(My mother made sure of that! I still hearing her shouting “Dawn Louise!” in my head if I act out, start feeling sorry for myself or even think about thinking about doing something or thinking something which doesn’t keep my feet firmly on the ground! Well for a sailor girl anyway!)

I have come to realise that travel is one of the very best vaccinations we can give ourselves, and not just against diseases but also against prejudices, ignorances and the ugliness of human nature.

Yes there are a few unpleasant people in this world, but we never know what they are going through.  We never know the journey they have taken, nor do we see their sadness behind their bright beaming smiles.

I have had my own ‘very British’ attitudes turned upside down and put through the washing machine, the dryer on full spin, and even the mangle for good measure.

I have become more confident in who I am, what I can achieve and have a much more open mind to waht is truly possible.

And yes, this blog is called The Mermaid’s Guide to Hitch Hiking, and yes some of the posts you read have fuck all to do with travel or hitch hiking around the world on boats researching material for my series of books The Mermaid’s Guide, but in many ways, it has EVERYTHING to do with it.

You are seeing me rise.

You are seeing me grow as a person.

You are reading about my journey through life, which is greatly impacted by the travelling I am doing, whilst being away from the most important people in my life (other than myself of course!).

Learning about the visas, tax and regulations I need to abide by whilst being an online entrepreneur with clients around the world, paying me in multiple currencies can, and does, confuse the hell out of me, because it just doesn’t make sense.  

It doesn’t make sense on a human level, or a logical level.  It makes sense intellectually, but just not on a human level.

We are all citizens of the world.

We all belong where we choose we belong and with all the crazy bullshit happening in the world at the moment, is there any wonder I am considering my options when it comes to whether I wish to remain a British Citizen!?

And if I choose not to, is there a country that even deserves me as a citizen?

And that’s the thing, you knew there would be a thing at some point, who deserves you?

Who do you think you are?

Who do you think you want to be?

Where do you think you belong?

And how can you choose to belong to yourself first and foremost, inspiring great change in the world?

Who we are, always comes back to this question:

“Who do you think you are?”

Enjoy diving into this questions and leave a comment below (yes new feature!) and let me know your thoughts.

In the meantime, have a fab afternoon, and may all you wish to be become your new reality.

Ciao for now! x

P.S. This is one of the questions I always dive deep into with all my clients as they write their autobiography.  So if you are ready to write your own book, and you are really ready to answer this question, come work with me for 2 months on a 1:1 basis; or if you are really ready to take this to a whole new level then consider joining me for the Feminine Alpha 7 Week Author Course starting on the 3.3.2020 where you will get to really see what you are made of and who you are!

Message me here for more details