The Sovereignty of the Celibate, Single and Successful Female.
Reaching the age of 44, I look back at my life with a mixture of bewilderment, joy and delight. How the heck did I achieve so much? Especially given that I seem to have lived so many lifetimes just in the last decade.
I have my own business, I travel the world on an endless nomadic life journey, have two amazing sons whom I look at and think to myself ‘How on earth did I get so blessed to be their mother?’. I have chosen family members around the world and friendships which have lasted more than thirty years. I have an abundance of health and high energy, coupled with a level of positivity that belies the traumas I have personally been through, and witness through the work I do in the world.
As a beautiful woman inside and out, one who is confident within her own skin and who has a brilliant mind, loves singing, dancing and sailing the world, whilst diving deep into the watery underworld of marine ecosystems, not to mention reads and writes books on every subject that frees my own mind and the minds of others from the mainstream narratives, I seem to have it all.
Being blessed on so many levels it is so easy for me to be grateful, and yet within all this positivity of my life is a light sprinkling of sadness. Why? Because whilst there is much to celebrate and be grateful for, I celebrate my life without the love of a significant other; and will continue to do so until a man shows up in my life whom I deem worthy enough to break the four years of celibacy I currently have.
Growing up I always thought I would be the last person to find someone to love me, so to have been the first of my friends to get married and have children surprised the hell out of me. A marriage which lasted eighteen years and ended with a devastating blow that my ex-husband had cheated on me throughout the years with multiple women, leaving me wanting to take time out for myself to heal.
I was not expecting nor looking for a relationship, and then after a short eighteen months, I found myself in a relationship with a guy whom I had known for twenty years and not even considered as anything other than a fellow ocean lover. Turns out the relationship would become the most dangerous and toxic relationship I would ever have, one which would teach me that personal sovereignty is the greatest gift we can gift to ourselves.
So many of us are surrounded by those we love, and who love us. Except in the year of 2022 we are all so divided in numerous ways – even those of us who live in the same home together as family or as friends. One person in one room on their device whilst another is in another room on their device; or even worse all in the same room and all on separate devices and not a word uttered between us all for hours on end.
As a human collective, when we speak it is often from a numbed comatose state of being, saying yes when we mean no, and no when we want to say yes. We smile when we feel like crying, laugh when we want to scream, and we choose to be polite when we often want to tell the world to be quiet and fuck off – all often due to the fear of being disliked, being too much, not enough or committing to something or someone other than ourself; And in most cases that would be the highest version of ourselves.
For those of us who are separated from family and friends in the physical world we rely on our devices to communicate with one another, which also makes a romantic relationship almost impossible – or so it would seem.
Losing count of how many people have told me they are shocked I am ‘still single’ because I am beautiful, because I am funny, because I am interesting, because… because… because… because… always a because but never because I am choosing to honour myself and the vision I have for my future.
In the last two years of the plandemic the choices of suitable men for me has declined rapidly. Choosing to fall for a narrative and giving in to peer pressure when it comes to being injected with the poison makes me wonder where else in life the available men have chosen to fall for fear and peer pressure, whilst also choosing to dishonour their own bodies.
Where else are they not thinking about and realising the bigger picture? And for those who have not fallen for the narrative, many have become consumed by the narrative – only from the opposing side. What will happen when the rules of engagement change? What conversations will they have then? What other contribution to society will they have, are they having? No one knows because everything is hidden from view due to the all-consuming narrative.
Of the men who are available, how many of them are able to provide for themselves and honour a woman like myself who travels the world as a writer of human rights, social justice and higher consciousness?
How many men are there who appear available but are not emotionally available? How many men are prepared to step up and go after a woman they have spent time flirting with and showing an interest in, but when she steps into her feminine and makes it clear it is up to him to pursue her as the divine masculine, he shies away and gives up?
At the age of 44 I have my children and no longer wish to be pregnant with another, especially at this divine transition into life as a menopausal woman. I also have my own means of income and independence, so do not need a man to provide for me. Add to my life yes, enhance it with his own greatness and sovereignty, absolutely! And this is where the transcendental relationship comes into play.
For women like myself, a transformational relationship is a thing of the past, because we have reached a point in our lives where transcendence in our very own existence and being a catalyst for change in the world is the order of the day.
We have transformed our lives so many times, so much so transformation is as natural to us as breathing. We have learnt to heal by ourselves from the generational and past life wounds we once carried deep within us. We have transformed from child to woman, from daughter to mother, and from wife to divorcee and now we want the companionship of our remaining lifetime.
Approval from others on how we live, what we look like and the choices we make is no longer necessary, and yet we still have this desire to be loved for who we are, or as Julia Roberts once said in a movie about a certain part of London “I am just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her” – and yet our success, our drive and intelligence has many a man running for the hills due to his own feelings of inadequacy.
Speaking with male friends recently the subject of my 4 year celibacy came up in conversation. Why do I keep choosing to be celibate when so many men would love to sleep with me? And again the answer is simple “Because I don’t want to just sleep with anyone. I want a partner in crime and misadventures to transcend with”.
To which they replied “Yeah but you are making men nervous. No man will want to have the pressure of breaking that length of celibacy with a woman as beautiful and successful as you”.
My answer to this was simple “The right man won’t feel the pressure, and if he does he will use it to grow and honour me from a deeper place within himself. Neither will he be intimidated by me, and that kind of man is worth waiting for”.
When I chose to enter the best relationship I have ever had – the one with myself – I never expected to be single and celibate for this length of time. The lessons learnt along the way, the deep healing and the level of comfort I have being by myself has gifted me great awareness of what I want in a man – and these things have become a non-negotiable, whilst previous non-negotiables have made me smile as they have fallen away.
Listening to men and their views of women and what they want from a woman, and within a relationship, does bring up the thoughts of how prepared am I to continue to honour my own sovereignty if it means being single and celibate for the rest of my life – especially knowing the last time I was intimate with a man wasn’t a soul nourishing experience. And the answer is again simple. I am prepared to be single and celibate for as long as it takes for my life partner to show up in my life.
Will I go seeking him on dating apps, or re-joining the social media platforms I chose to delete due to a conflict of interest with my values and morals? No, I won’t. Will I accept less than I deserve simply to fulfil a sexual need? Or will I use this high level of sexual desire I have to transcend it into the sexual magic of abundance and even greater success?
As a sovereign woman I will always choose to harness the power of sexual energy for even greater abundance and success in my life. The man worthy of me will show up, for me, for himself and for humanity. He will make it clear he is interested in me, he will take the action needed to partner with me, and he will respect and honour the time I spent choosing myself instead of sharing myself with others for an empty and meaningless moment in time.
As conscious sovereign beings we have a strength and a power which will intimidate and offend many due to their own lack of sovereignty. Sometimes the journey we take will be one of solitude, but never one of loneliness, because owning our sovereignty is to transcend being lonely – and that is the biggest challenge of all, for all, and not a challenge for those who fall for narratives, manipulation or peer pressure.
My celibacy and sovereignty is a powerful selection tool, and one I am using with skill and care because I deserve the very best in life.